What The?

OK… so I’m having trouble focusing today… Think it’s a combination of it being Friday, gloomy outside and just generally feeling beat down from this past week. So I’ve decided to debut a new segment here, it’s the

What the Hell Files…

- So I was driving home yesterday, minding my own business, when this guy pulls up next to me. Honks to get my attention and then gives me the finger before he speeds away. What the hell!! It’s not like I was going too slow, if I was going any faster I would have been on top of the Mustang in front of me. I also had been in the same bloody lane for the past 10 miles so it wasn’t like I cut him off either. Thought momentarily about blowing him a kiss back to play off his obvious homophobic insecurities, after all, he had your typical Michigan Militia look to him (beat up car, buzz cut hair and of course the camouflage jacket). But I figured it would be better not to antagonize the uni-bomber and so I sat there looking very confused.

- Read yesterday that Tom Cruise is now dating Katie Holmes. For some reason this really bothered me, but at the same time I was thoroughly unsurprised. Tom needs a trophy and Katie, well needs a career again. It’s sad because I think she’s a decent actress (can’t argue with her “performance” in the Gift) that is lost in the shuffle of Hollywood. It is a crime that Paris keeps getting roles and Katie is floundering. On a related note… I really do want one of the “Watch Paris Die” promo shirts from the House of Wax. I want one not only to express my loathing of Paris, but also for the irony of the fact that she designed it herself. Now Alanis, that is actually Ironic :)

- Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy opens today and apparently it’s not that good, which makes me sad. I didn’t read the book until recently and the first thing I thought was “how the hell are they going to make a movie out of this???” It is so random and strange that I just can’t see it working on the big screen. Douglas Adams, as good a writer as he is, writes in anything but a linear style and that just doesn’t translate to the screen. Then again, I had no idea how they would do Sin City and that was just breathtaking! Of course I’ll go and see it, because I’m a movie whore and will pretty much sit through anything. Plus, I can watch with the knowledge that it wasn’t the worst thing that opened this weekend. No, that dubious honor goes to XXX 2. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking making a sequel to XXX. Ever notice that Vin Diesel is never in his own sequels? (Chronicles of Riddick doesn’t count as it was a prequel) There must be a reason for this…

Adios!

A Little Bit of the Mind Flip

I don’t profess to know everything… but I know a lot. Unfortunately most of it revolves around random pop culture trivia that wouldn’t even get me on Jeopardy!

For instance…

- I know absolutely nothing about cars. I mean I know to change the oil and can pump my own gas and stuff, but it pretty much ends there. Quite literally, if my car stops and it’s not because it’s on “E”, I’m screwed.

- I can’t do math in my head any longer. I was never all that stellar at doing math in my head to begin with, but now I’m completely useless. Was working on compiling something yesterday and my boss asked me what 123.34 x 12 was and I almost cried. Give me a pen and paper and I’m OK… better yet, give me a calculator dammit!! What is this, 1985!

- Speaking of the 80’s. I don’t understand why some bands “back in the day” decided to have self-titled SONGS! Now I understand self titled albums, it’s simple and effective… but a song? It is especially sad when their big song is their self titled one… see, “Big Country”, by Big Country or “Talk, Talk” by…well Talk, Talk.

Well just a short post today… too much to do and not enough time… as usual…
Latah!

Star Gazing

And the unhealthy Johnny fixation continues...

Actually, I'm just trying to deflect the negative vibes away from the fact that Ryan Seacrest just got his own star this week. Sadness falls across the land 

LINKS!!!

Hey there!!
Well this past week sucked more than humanly possible. Hence, no real posts... :(
Anyway, hopefully things will calm down a little bit this week and I can get back to writing on a regular basis again.
I also have noticed that I've been rambling WAY too much about myself... Why the hell would I do that?!?!?! Well, it's because I haven't really had time to go out and see a movie or watch much TV so I have sort of been cut off from the world. That was the one good thing about being unemployed with a TiVo, I could watch EVERYTHING!!!!
It's been over two months now since I have seen an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Robot Chicken because they are on too bloody late! This is very upsetting for me.
You also may notice that I have added a links section to my sidebar. Not many links yet, but I'm sure they will gradually take over.

Well I’m off for now….

I'm Only Happy When It Rains

Unfortunately I haven’t had time to write anything for awhile but I thought that I would at least pop by and leave these words of wisdom for you all

If April showers bring May flowers,
What do May flowers bring?


Pilgrims of course….

What can I say, it’s my favorite joke and I can only use it for one month out of the year.

Picture Me Rollin'

You may notice that I put up a pic on my profile... (look right... see me? Good).
I decided that I was way too pretty to be hidden any longer... heh... yeah, right.
Anyways, I REALLY need to get a new digital camera so I can put more pics up. My blog is way to wordy as of late and who really wants to read.

Random song that I can't get out of my head...
"Black Steel - In the Hour of Chaos" - Public Enemy

"I got a letter from the government/the other day/I opened and read it/they said they were suckas/they wanted me for their army or whatever/picture me givin a damn I said never"

Tricky actually does a great cover of this song too... He gave it a completely different vibe which, after all is the point of a cover song. I hate it when people karaoke other peoples songs (case in point, Baby Spice's cover of "What I Am" I couldn't tell it apart from the original).

Best Covers, in no particular order:
1) "Gimmie Shelter" by the Rolling Stones, as covered by the Sisters of Mercy

It's like this song was written for the sisters to do. Much darker and moodier than the original, which is saying something.

2) "Like a Prayer" by Madonna, as covered by BiGod 20

There need to be more industrial covers of Madonna songs

3) "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gannor, as coverd by Cake

Turned it to a male perspective and made it ALOT more edgier

4) “World In My Eyes” by Depeche Mode, as covered by the Cure

The CuRe covering a DM song… does it get better than that?

5) “Lovesong” by the Cure, as covered by 311

One of my fav songs of ALL TIME, so I had to put it on the list even though 311 didn’t really add much to it. Why screw with perfection anyway? ;)

6) "All Along the Watchtower" by Bob Dillon, as covered by Jimi Hendrix

Hendrix brought out the guitar line like only he could and really made this song his own.

I’m sure I could think of more, but I gotta get running…
byeeeeeeee

Esq.

Howdy All!!

Well I am feeling better today than I have all week… of course that’s not saying much. It’s amazing how far utter terror and a little adrenaline will take you.
Yesterday I was just minding my own business, working on case evaluations/proximate cause/whatever other boring lawyer bullshit that do all day, when the head partner in my firm comes into my office with a file and a mapquest. They had a deposition out of town that needed to be covered and everybody was busy. This is REALLY odd for a number of reasons:

1) I have only really been a “lawyer” in this firm for 3 days (before that I was just a clerk
2) We have discussed me doing dep’s before, but that was something that was going to happen in the FUTURE!!!
3) I have never been to a dep, watched a dep, hell I can barely spell the word deposition without the aid of spell-check!!!

So there I was… thrown into the fire… his last words of encouragement, “the good news is, you won’t be able to fuck this up too badly”. Great.
Well it went really well. I kicked a little ass, got the opposing witness to contradict himself and thus screwed up his credibility, I rock.
The bad news is, I was feeling so good about myself that I kinda forgot that I was still sick and decided to go out for MANY celebratory drinks.

“yes your honor, my name is Jason, and I’m a dumbass.”

This morning was a little rough, but once again, nothing a little caffeine and even more terror and adrenaline couldn’t fix. This was a good thing, because I was in court for the first time this morning at 8:00 am.
Bottom line, we won all five of our motions including mine!
Oddly enough, I wasn’t nervous at all (or was that the hangover/Dayquil/green tea talking?). I did what needed to be done, and the only time I screwed up was when I was introducing myself…

“yes your honor, my name is Jason Seifert and I represent the pl…and…tiff…. Uh….. the plaintiff”.

I am so slick it hurts… :(
Oh well, it’s over and now I get to go home, probably drink way too much again… and then I’m back to work on Saturday… my first weekend in the office…

*sigh*

Enough about me... how was your day?

Rest Is For The Weak

I am sick… I am sick of being sick… I am sick of being sick that I’m sick…
As much as I love the changing of the seasons, I hate the fact that when the weather fluctuates rapidly, I know I am bound to catch something. So when it went from 40 degrees and snowing to 73 and sunny, I knew I was fuct.
As a general rule, guys are bigger wimps when they are sick. I’m not necessarily whiny, but I am rather irritable and quite frustrated with the fact that my body is rebelling against me. Of course that all changes when you have to be at work… for the past few days I have tried to have as little people contact as possible… unfortunately that has been impossible. I spent all day Tuesday at the Oakland County court hose at case evaluation, I was at a seminar for trial lawyers yesterday and tomorrow I am in court again doing motions.
*sigh*
So as a way to make myself feel better, here’s a list of my top “sic movies”

The Toy
Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleeson… two greats doing what they do best. I always thought this was one of the more overlooked comedies of all time. It also gave me hope that they make Spider-Man pj’s in adult sizes :)

Night Shift
Yet another overlooked comedy. Michael Keeton and Henry Winkler start a prostitution ring… nothing like the Fonz as a pimp!

Empire Strikes Back
Nuff said..

Can’t Hardly Wait
This is basically a stand by for whenever… Seth Green absolutely ROCKS in this movie.
“Tell me what Special K can do to make you feel better”

So that’s what my ideal sick day would be… movies, a couch and OJ… Instead I’m at work, surrounded by files and hoping that a judge will not tear me a new one tomorrow morning…
*Ugh*

Blogger Love

Hey there!
It's all about the blogger love!
I have a lot of people breeze by this blog but most don’t stop by to post anything. Anyways, I discovered a rather amusing site through a posting that was left yesterday… I have yet to put a link bar or much of anything cool on this blog as I don’t have internet access at my new place as of yet and have been updating this when I first get into work. So if anybody from my office is reading, this is absolutely a blog about auto injury law :)
Anyways, here’s the link to the site…

http://www.immoderation.com/bitchinblog

It’s funny, irreverent and put together exceptionally well… Plus she bitches about Lindsay Lohan so how bad could it be ;)

So I just came back from Kinko’s. I went out on an emergency mission to copy some photos for a case. This is actually not an uncommon occurrence, what made this one special, (other than the fact that I did it of course) was that they were nude photos of our client. Yep… I was sent to Kinko’s to copy boobie pictures. I swear they did that on purpose. All that hard work and sleepless nights in law school suddenly felt worthwhile as I walked into Kinko’s with a stack of topless pictures to be color copied. Then, with my boobie shots in hand, I had to walk into the opposing counsel’s office and give them to the attorney.
This is the glamour of law that is not portrayed on the Practice or Law & Order.

*sigh*

At least it got me out of the office for an hour…

Got Gas?

Good Morning!
Well I am really dragging this morning and I need to get into a writing mood (I have another case evaluation due this morning) so I thought I would write a little bit here and hope that it gets my mojo going…
There has been something that I wanted to talk about since Sunday but for some reason it slipped my mind… It is regarding the supposed “Riots” that happened in East Lansing, MI after the Spartans lost their Final Four game. The morning after the game my roommate received a call from his bro, a junior at State, who filled us in on some details. It was basically decided by the police the week previous that they were going to have a zero tolerance policy when it came to gatherings of any number of people after the game.
Now East Lansing does have a history of rioting after sporting events, but there is something inherently wrong with a “teargas first” method of crowd control. From all of the news footage and accounts I have heard the most raucous events that were occurring outside were sudden outbreaks of a “GO GREEN, GO WHITE” chant. There were no bottles being thrown, no cars tipped and certainly no fires, but in the midst of a spontaneous pep rally there WAS teargas. And the police were not just gassing the large crowd that had gathered in Cedar Village either, they were gassing everybody. My roommate’s bro was gassed walking to McDonalds. What the hell! Nothing like a good preemptive gassing to prevent anything bad from happening… oh wait it did. You see there weren’t any violent outbreaks UNTIL the gas started. It was at that time that the students turned on the police and started throwing rocks, bottles and even the teargas containers back at the police. Don’t they realize that violence begets violence? I just don’t understand. Why was a state of almost Martial Law necessary? Just like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop… the world may never know…

For more on this check out Jim Caple’s article on ESPN.com

Well I’m off to work… *sigh*

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That...

OK… I was just forwarded this story on ABC NEWS…

For the record… that is not me… Although I fully support the right to marry whoever you bloody well feel like, I was not at this rally in San Fran. I was cold and miserable here in Detroit. So my family can now breathe a sigh of relief… I am not actually gay. I’m just a “power geek” with an unhealthy obsession with Johnny Depp and a love 80’s synth music :)

As one guy said to me back when I was DJ’ing queer positive events…

“You love Depeche Mode, the Pet Shop Boys, Erasure, and yet you are straight? Well then you are pretty damn cool for a breeder”.

See "Robot Girl"… liking DM is cool… I knew it :)

End of the March

Well March Madness is over and the final results are in and the winner is…
Fighting out of Toronto, Canada…. Pete!!!

I’m so glad that I'm in Detroit and I don’t have to watch Pete’s victory dance…

The final standings were…

1) Pete
2) Darren
3) Vito
4) Me
5) Brian

Having Duke lose to State in the sweet 16 really killed my bracket, but it was oh so worth it :) I’d let State screw up my bracket every year if it meant getting to the final four.
I do find it odd though that the two people from Canada ended up finishing first and second… hummm… I guess with no hockey to watch…

One final thing... did anybody happen to see the Tigers opening day? D. Younge hit 3 home runs!!! That means he's on pace to hit over 300 homers this year! I think he can do it ;)
Latah

No So Manic Monday

Good Morning!
Well its Monday again… is it actually a rule that Monday’s have to suck!?!?

So this was a pretty big weekend, MSU’s men’s team lost in the final four on Saturday while MSU’s women’s team advanced to play Baylor on Tuesday. I’m not a big fan of women’s basketball, but that is still a big deal for them… and no, I probably won’t be watching the game on Tuesday.
The real big news of the weekend though was that the Pope died. Now I’m not catholic or anything so in all honesty it really doesn’t affect my life, but I do respect the fact that it does mean a lot to a great number of people. I know that when the Pope came to Toronto back in 2001 they sold out every hotel room in the Greater Toronto Area, stretching all the way to Hamilton. That being said, I did observe a very odd occurrence on the television coverage after his death. I was introduced to “pope” as a verb. Let me give you an example, “John Paul II was very good a poping”. “Nobody has really poped like him in a long time”. “what are you doing today?... Just poping around”.
The sad thing is, I’m serious. I never knew that the verb, “to pope” existed until this weekend. Learn something new everyday.
My one last thought on the matter is that I felt really bad for the Pope not just this weekend, but for a number of years. Being a Pope for life just isn’t practicable anymore. It was great when the average life expectancy was 30 years, but now medicine can keep your body alive way longer than mind can stay coherent. It’s sad and unfair to expect somebody to do all that poping that late in life (hey it does work as a verb).
Well I’m off to work…

Bye Mitch

Good Morning,
As most of you know, I’m a big fan of stand up comedy. There really is nothing better than somebody standing up there on stage and just killing… and sometimes it’s pretty damn good to watch somebody bomb. Well yesterday we lost one of my fav’s. Mitch Hedberg unfortunately died at the age of 37. I was holding out hope that it was just an early April Fools joke, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. (and if it is… good one Mitch).
So I scoured the internet and compiled some of my favorite Hedberg quotes…

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck.

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D"
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly... I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong... or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something. I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.

We'll miss ya Mitch!