List Mania
Hey all!
Well it’s the end of the year so everybody and their brother seems to be publishing lists of things for the year, so I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon. Speaking of which, what is a bandwagon? What band is on that wagon? A marching band?
Now keep in mind, these were things that I found important, not necessarily what the rest of the world thinks is important. Once again, it’s all about me, hahahahahahaha!
Anyways, I thought I’d start out with a list of the truly crap-tacular things of 2004.
Craptastic Events in 2004
10. Ashley Simpson, Unplugged: OK, this was just funny. Didn’t feel bad for her at all when she got caught lip synching on SNL. What endeared her even more to me was when she tried to blame her band. Nice. Speaking of the Simpson family, Ashley’s sister Jessica released a holiday album that is available at 7-11. Let me say that again, the album is available at 7-11. A Jessica Simpson holiday album just doesn’t seem like the impulse purchase I would make at the 7-11. “You know what would go really well with this six pack of Bud… some holiday music from Jessica Simpson”.
9. Larry Gets Shafted: 2004 was the year Leisure Suit Larry finally returned in Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. Now I loved the Larry games back in the day. Yeah sure they were a little risqué, but most importantly, they were funny as hell. The worst part about the new game is that Al Lowe (the creator of Larry) wasn’t even involved in the making of this game. He’s still around and runs a funny site that can be found here.
8. There Be Some Crappy Movies Out There: I may at some point do an entire list of the worst movies I have seen but for 2004 there was one that took the cake. So you take Ben Stiller, Jack Black and then mix in some Christopher Walken and you would think you had the makings of a good movie. Well “Envy” proved me wrong, oh so wrong. The sad thing is, it was seeing this film where I finally accomplished my longtime goal of being the only person in a theater. Oh the bittersweet irony of it all. I finally had the theater to myself and I had to sit through this drivel. On second thought, that’s probably why I was the only one there.
7. Crunk, It's More Than Just A Crappy Energy Drink: I have sort of a love/hate relationship with everything Lil’ Jon. I love that he has basically become Dave Chappelle’s parody of himself, but I can’t stand most of his music. And I like me some crappy music, but most crunk makes “Barbie Girl” seem like it has substance.
6. Britney Goes White Trash: I always thought that you got rich and famous so you didn’t have to marry a skid who already has a kid to go along with his x-girlfriend who is preggers. Good for her, embrace you inner dirtbag. Speaking of Britney, did we really need a remake of My Prerogative. Check that, did we need a remake of any Bobby Brown song whatsoever?
5. Wrestling Sucked More Than Usual: I have completely lost my patients for the WWE. I know somewhere Mod is rejoicing. This year was a new low in crappy programming though. Stone Cold, Goldberg and Brock Lesner are all gone, Bradshaw is the champ and each and every week they find a new and exciting way to bore me to sleep. I never thought I would say this but I find myself not caring when I miss Raw or Smackdown. I could write more on this but I'm just too annoyed with it. Somewhere Mod is doing a happy dance.
4. The Peterson Trial: Quick question… why do we even care? Was this the only murder that happened that year? This may sound shallow and uncaring but they weren’t famous or anything. It’s my theory that the day this came across the wire Fox News was having a slow news day and this is what they went with. Just think, if Britney had decided to get married that day we would have never even heard about this.
3. The Malice at the Palace : If there was ever any doubt that Ron Artest was crazy, he clarified it this year. The 2004 season started off weird for Artest and just went downhill. I really wasn’t surprised he was involved in something like this, I just thought it would be later in the season. So he starts out the year wanting time off to promote the new album he has been working on. Keep in mind, this isn’t his “much anticipated” rap album, this is an album that he produced for some lame ass girl group. Makes you wonder what he’ll do to ‘promote’ his own album when it comes out. Now I am by no means condoning the cup thrower’s activities, that is just crap, but Artest was being a jerk. After being shoved by Ben Wallace he walked over to the scorers table and lied down. Who does that? That is one of the most obnoxious displays I have ever seen. It would be the baseball equalavant of a batter who was just hit by a pitch walking over to the opposing teams dugout and lounging on top of it. Not only is it disrespectful, but it also totally exposes them to the fans. I do feel sorry for the fans in Indiana. They are going to have a hell of a time down the stretch without their biggest players.
2. Janet’s Boob: 2004 started with a bang at the Super Bowl halftime show. Honestly, I missed the entire thing. I was out in Vegas until 4:00am the morning of the game, then I drove back to Anaheim and passed out just as the game started. I woke up at the beginning of the 3rd quarter and saw a hell of a game and had no idea anything interesting had just happened during halftime. I mean does anything ever happen? Anyways, it’s my opinion that Janet’s boob ruined the world. It was the start of the FCC going insane over censorship. Not much that hasn’t already been said about this… Damn you Janet’s boob, you have ruined television and radio!!!
1. Reality TV: I hate, hate, hate, hate reality TV. I can’t stand the sight of it, and for the past 8 months or so I have completely boycotted everything to do with reality television. When are we going to get to the point where there is no reality left to film. Has anybody even tried to watch “the REAL Gilligans Island”? I swear watching that stuff is guaranteed to make you sterile.
It has literally gotten to the point where it’s like Awesome-o is choosing the contestants scenarios. (“OK, so Adam Sandler inherits $50,000,000 but has to become a prize fighter and he falls in love with a ring card girl”). I miss good sitcoms.
(hats off to anybody who got the South Park reference, I figured that Vito and I would be the only ones laughing... as usual)
Well it’s the end of the year so everybody and their brother seems to be publishing lists of things for the year, so I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon. Speaking of which, what is a bandwagon? What band is on that wagon? A marching band?
Now keep in mind, these were things that I found important, not necessarily what the rest of the world thinks is important. Once again, it’s all about me, hahahahahahaha!
Anyways, I thought I’d start out with a list of the truly crap-tacular things of 2004.
Craptastic Events in 2004
10. Ashley Simpson, Unplugged: OK, this was just funny. Didn’t feel bad for her at all when she got caught lip synching on SNL. What endeared her even more to me was when she tried to blame her band. Nice. Speaking of the Simpson family, Ashley’s sister Jessica released a holiday album that is available at 7-11. Let me say that again, the album is available at 7-11. A Jessica Simpson holiday album just doesn’t seem like the impulse purchase I would make at the 7-11. “You know what would go really well with this six pack of Bud… some holiday music from Jessica Simpson”.
9. Larry Gets Shafted: 2004 was the year Leisure Suit Larry finally returned in Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. Now I loved the Larry games back in the day. Yeah sure they were a little risqué, but most importantly, they were funny as hell. The worst part about the new game is that Al Lowe (the creator of Larry) wasn’t even involved in the making of this game. He’s still around and runs a funny site that can be found here.
8. There Be Some Crappy Movies Out There: I may at some point do an entire list of the worst movies I have seen but for 2004 there was one that took the cake. So you take Ben Stiller, Jack Black and then mix in some Christopher Walken and you would think you had the makings of a good movie. Well “Envy” proved me wrong, oh so wrong. The sad thing is, it was seeing this film where I finally accomplished my longtime goal of being the only person in a theater. Oh the bittersweet irony of it all. I finally had the theater to myself and I had to sit through this drivel. On second thought, that’s probably why I was the only one there.
7. Crunk, It's More Than Just A Crappy Energy Drink: I have sort of a love/hate relationship with everything Lil’ Jon. I love that he has basically become Dave Chappelle’s parody of himself, but I can’t stand most of his music. And I like me some crappy music, but most crunk makes “Barbie Girl” seem like it has substance.
6. Britney Goes White Trash: I always thought that you got rich and famous so you didn’t have to marry a skid who already has a kid to go along with his x-girlfriend who is preggers. Good for her, embrace you inner dirtbag. Speaking of Britney, did we really need a remake of My Prerogative. Check that, did we need a remake of any Bobby Brown song whatsoever?
5. Wrestling Sucked More Than Usual: I have completely lost my patients for the WWE. I know somewhere Mod is rejoicing. This year was a new low in crappy programming though. Stone Cold, Goldberg and Brock Lesner are all gone, Bradshaw is the champ and each and every week they find a new and exciting way to bore me to sleep. I never thought I would say this but I find myself not caring when I miss Raw or Smackdown. I could write more on this but I'm just too annoyed with it. Somewhere Mod is doing a happy dance.
4. The Peterson Trial: Quick question… why do we even care? Was this the only murder that happened that year? This may sound shallow and uncaring but they weren’t famous or anything. It’s my theory that the day this came across the wire Fox News was having a slow news day and this is what they went with. Just think, if Britney had decided to get married that day we would have never even heard about this.
3. The Malice at the Palace : If there was ever any doubt that Ron Artest was crazy, he clarified it this year. The 2004 season started off weird for Artest and just went downhill. I really wasn’t surprised he was involved in something like this, I just thought it would be later in the season. So he starts out the year wanting time off to promote the new album he has been working on. Keep in mind, this isn’t his “much anticipated” rap album, this is an album that he produced for some lame ass girl group. Makes you wonder what he’ll do to ‘promote’ his own album when it comes out. Now I am by no means condoning the cup thrower’s activities, that is just crap, but Artest was being a jerk. After being shoved by Ben Wallace he walked over to the scorers table and lied down. Who does that? That is one of the most obnoxious displays I have ever seen. It would be the baseball equalavant of a batter who was just hit by a pitch walking over to the opposing teams dugout and lounging on top of it. Not only is it disrespectful, but it also totally exposes them to the fans. I do feel sorry for the fans in Indiana. They are going to have a hell of a time down the stretch without their biggest players.
2. Janet’s Boob: 2004 started with a bang at the Super Bowl halftime show. Honestly, I missed the entire thing. I was out in Vegas until 4:00am the morning of the game, then I drove back to Anaheim and passed out just as the game started. I woke up at the beginning of the 3rd quarter and saw a hell of a game and had no idea anything interesting had just happened during halftime. I mean does anything ever happen? Anyways, it’s my opinion that Janet’s boob ruined the world. It was the start of the FCC going insane over censorship. Not much that hasn’t already been said about this… Damn you Janet’s boob, you have ruined television and radio!!!
1. Reality TV: I hate, hate, hate, hate reality TV. I can’t stand the sight of it, and for the past 8 months or so I have completely boycotted everything to do with reality television. When are we going to get to the point where there is no reality left to film. Has anybody even tried to watch “the REAL Gilligans Island”? I swear watching that stuff is guaranteed to make you sterile.
It has literally gotten to the point where it’s like Awesome-o is choosing the contestants scenarios. (“OK, so Adam Sandler inherits $50,000,000 but has to become a prize fighter and he falls in love with a ring card girl”). I miss good sitcoms.
(hats off to anybody who got the South Park reference, I figured that Vito and I would be the only ones laughing... as usual)
posted by Jay at 1:30 AM
4 Comments:
Either that or just have an all steroid olympics. Remember the SNL skit about?
Which takes me on another rant. I can't believe that Comedy Central now shows Mad TV insdead of SNL! I know SNL is on E! now, but it's never on when I want it whereas Mad TV is friggin always on Comedy Central! Oh the humanity!
amen. may next year bring more bared breasts.
Ummm... yeah... what he said....
OK... Just saw a commercdial for SI's Swimsuit Model Search. It's a new reality show where "america" picks the next SI swimsuit model. Oh great, this is exactly what television needs. More pretty people crying about not making the cut. *sigh* Thank God for Cartoon Network, it's the only thing that is going to keep me sane until the new season of Family Guy this spring.
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